How sad...

I feel sad. My throat hurts and just threw up everything I ate. My head hurts but I don't think I'll do much sleeping tonight.

It's funny how determend I was to wrtiting it all down and now... nothing is willing to be plastered here... I want to throw up some more.

Ther's still much more to do tomorrow...

I want to really hurt myself... maybe that will quiet the pain in my soul... but I promissed I wouldn't do it again... but if it will only releave the pain a little... why not?? To feel the knife slice through the skin, those brieff instants of relief, the pleasure... then the warm enchanted liquid...

I should probably meditate, get my thoughts together, but can't... I need that release, the release that will take away the rage and the pain... wanna know a funny thing??

She has no clue about it... she doesn't know about the cuts and the bruises... and yet she swears she's a wondefull mother... the best in her opinion. The kind of mother who abuses her daughtr just to get back at her husband... the kind that pushes every nerv until she knows I'm about to explode...

She's seen me vomit from the rage she builds up inside of me, and still she goes on... still she yells and curses... she's cursed because I throw up... like I could stop it.

I wanna sleep... I wanna sleep very deeply... just never wake up... drift away among the mysts until I reach home, those rich green lands where the voice sings so clearly in my head, where she guides me so strongly.

I must go... I have to prepare things.... I apologise if I do something stupid, it was not my intention to break my promise...

AremiBu
The Blue Butterfly