Today is one fo those days... those kind of days you know has just changed the rest of you life. I've made a decision. I will leave... my house, because I can not call this a home.
It's too much what has driven me to this decision... I can't describe it all, I just know that my mother is right... even though I know she didn't mean it this way.
I can not continue here, I can not continue to be lose to her because... well... she makes me sick. Not only on the inside, but fisicly. All these health problem I've been having is because I have to deal with her every day. When I was in Vegas I was so at peace... I had my own life... she didn't exist, she wasn't there to yell and insult and I was usefull, what I did mattered. everyone looked at what I did as something good. And since I got here I fell like I can do nothing right, like everyhing I do has something wrong with it.
In 5 months I have to be out of here. I have to have a stable job and an Apartment, the details I will work out on my own.
I can't stop crying... and it's not because I'm mad... it's just that... it hurts, to look at the road ahead and can't ignore the fact that you're alone... and will have to go thrugh it alone. But I've felt like that all my life, I guess I really can't change it.
I feel bad for my sisters, leaving them alone here... but I am just so damaged and sick that I'm afraid that if I stay here, I will only make them as ill as she has made me... I don't want that, Iloe them too much. They are my life, and they are the reason I still live to this day.
And to you... I know you care for me, but look at me, I'm just damaged goods, I'm ill... I have this cancer that's ending me on the inside... you really don't want to be with me, you reallt don't want these problems... run... just run as fast as you can so I can't catch up with you... for I can only spread thecancer further, and you have no fault in this.
This is not a rant... what I would give for it to be like that... but it's not that way, and I have to face it in hope for a better tomorrow. The Pas of exist leads to the towar of wisdome right?? And what you need and everything you feel is just a question of the day... so I pray to the Goddes, my beautifull lady, may I have a better tomorrow...
In love and hope.
AremiBu
It's too much what has driven me to this decision... I can't describe it all, I just know that my mother is right... even though I know she didn't mean it this way.
I can not continue here, I can not continue to be lose to her because... well... she makes me sick. Not only on the inside, but fisicly. All these health problem I've been having is because I have to deal with her every day. When I was in Vegas I was so at peace... I had my own life... she didn't exist, she wasn't there to yell and insult and I was usefull, what I did mattered. everyone looked at what I did as something good. And since I got here I fell like I can do nothing right, like everyhing I do has something wrong with it.
In 5 months I have to be out of here. I have to have a stable job and an Apartment, the details I will work out on my own.
I can't stop crying... and it's not because I'm mad... it's just that... it hurts, to look at the road ahead and can't ignore the fact that you're alone... and will have to go thrugh it alone. But I've felt like that all my life, I guess I really can't change it.
I feel bad for my sisters, leaving them alone here... but I am just so damaged and sick that I'm afraid that if I stay here, I will only make them as ill as she has made me... I don't want that, Iloe them too much. They are my life, and they are the reason I still live to this day.
And to you... I know you care for me, but look at me, I'm just damaged goods, I'm ill... I have this cancer that's ending me on the inside... you really don't want to be with me, you reallt don't want these problems... run... just run as fast as you can so I can't catch up with you... for I can only spread thecancer further, and you have no fault in this.
This is not a rant... what I would give for it to be like that... but it's not that way, and I have to face it in hope for a better tomorrow. The Pas of exist leads to the towar of wisdome right?? And what you need and everything you feel is just a question of the day... so I pray to the Goddes, my beautifull lady, may I have a better tomorrow...
In love and hope.
AremiBu
posted by AremiBu at 12:44 PM
1 Comments:
Tu ya sabes lo que siento al respecto, asi que nomas estoy posteando para que cuando leas tu post, te acuerdes de lo que platicamos. ^_^
Mwahahaha, posts subliminales!!!
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