`~``Comments on Freedom and ME``~`

So I finaly did it... I'm free. I no longer live at Parque Real #8271. I Finaly Left. Yay for me!!!!

It was a very stupid fight, but we both said very ugly things to eachother, I feel bad for calling her verdulera... but I wasn't lying. :s

Funny thing is, we wheren't yelling at eachother, for the first time, we didn't yell. We just faught and said very nasty things to eachother. And I'm not sad, I'm actually very happy and releaved.

The only thing that got me really mad was the fact that I told her I wasn't going to go live with Erasmo and she insisted I was, then she called my dad and told him I had taken all my money from the bank and rented an apartment to live with Erasmo, and that I had left on my own.

That does sadden me, and the fact that my sisters are mad with me, but oh well, they have shown me these past few months that they are very selfish and don't really care about me, but only of their confort.

So now I live with my aunt and grandma... at least the next 3 months, till I have enough money to buy myself a car then I can go live on my own.

Erasmo is an angel. He's helping me so much. He took me to school today and is going to be my transport until I have a car. Despite what my mother says, he's shown me he's all the contrary to what my family says he is.I'm very blessed to have him, I love him so, so much.

Note: Karime, I'm so sorry I couldn't go to your graduation, I really wanted to be the crazy lady at the end of the row yelling you to smile for the camera. I hope you had a great time. Kisses.

`~``Comments on Pregnancy and smiles``~`

So I had the wierdest dream last night. I dreamed I was in a house, in a kitchen with Erasmo and our baby. I started breast feeding the baby and he was helping me. The baby was so perfect and beautifull and I felt... well I can't relly describe how I felt, and I don't want to, I feel like if I define how I felt the feeling is going to slip away from me somehow and I don't want it to.

Anyway, as I was breastfeeding the baby I ran out of milk so Erasmo took the baby, sat it down on the high chair and started feedig it baby food, and the baby kept laughing as he was feeding it, and the baby got food all over it's mouth and on it's cheek and Erasmo was laughing just looking at her (yes, I got the impression for an instant it was a she) and both of them seemed to love eachother so much and he was smiling in that way he only smiles at me when we're alone, only his eyes and face glowed with joy. He leaned close to the baby and she leaned towards him and touched his cheek with her face and his forhead with her hand, getting baby food on his face, making him giggle (yes, my man was giggling ((... yes, I just said my man))).

I felt so much happyness inside me as I looked at them, and I felt so much love for him and our baby, I felt so complete, I guess if you could mix all the happy feelings in the world you woud get to that happy feeling I was experimenting in the dream.

Don't worry Marco I'm not pregnant, I think the baby is our relationship... that or someone close to me is pregnant... cause lately I've been dreaming people tell me I'm pregnant, but I've also been dreaming things that happen to me, then latter happen to people around me.

So I don't know and I don't really care... I just wanted there to be evidence of this dream, of how happy I am in this instant and how lucky and blessed.

`~``Comments on Kingdom Hearts (I, DS and II)``~`

Anyone who knows me, knows that I bought the PS2 just so I could play Kingdom Hearts (KH). I had the game before I had ps2. I didn't even really know what the videogame was about, all I had seen was the intro, and I fell in love with the song.

As I played, I fell more and more in love with the game. I waited so much for KH II, I played the DS game and when KH II came out, I went to go buy it with Luz.

For some strange reason I never got around to finishing the game... I had it for two years and I always had an excuse to not finish it.

You see, when I started playing number 2, everyone started falling in love... all of sudden everyone in the game was in love, and I felt much like Sora, looking for that person you loved and yet never being able to find them, being under the same sky and yet being so far away. I just stoped playing because the game made me depressed.

I started playing a month ago, I started a new game, just to get a hold of the story better but I really wasn't getting very far. One day I was playing and Erasmo dropped by, I gave him the controler and we advanced a whole lot.

To make the story shorter, in three days we had done together what I alone couldn't do in two years. I was the brains and he was the brawn. We finally got to defeating Xemnas... I saw the ending and I started crying... I finally understand the song Sanctuary... it really got to me.

Erasmo was holding me as I started to cry, I just couldn't help it, I felt so happy, so complete... it was one of those "once in a lifetime" moments when everything seems to fit in it´s place and you could ask nothing more of life because you realize that what you have now is everything you need to truely live.

I´ve never actually felt so complete and happy in my life... we´re a team. I´ve never really had a team before. The gods have truelly blessed me with all I need.

`~`` Comments on Being Crazy``~`

(and rare findings)

Last week I decided I needed to do some cleaning of my possesions. Since I've been doing some cleaning in my life, I decided I also needed to clean myself of useless possesions and stuff that only takes up space.

I have SOOOOOOOOO much crap! I can't believe I keep so many things! I took out two trash bags of just papers! I'm a squirrell!

I went through all the papers I own... and I found a lot of stuff tht made me laugh, or smile. I found stuff that made me ache a little inside and I found a bunch of dreams I had written down on peaces of paper... What the hell do I smoke before bed? Man, some of these dreams are really wierd and scary... funny thing is that I've been recently been having similar dreams. I'm realy trying to put them out of my mind, but I need to talk to bicho first... maybe next tuesday.

Since last week I've had this urge to cry, I don't know why... but I want to cry so much.

In all the papers I found, I found a whole bunch of letters that people wrote me, but somewhere very strange I found a folded paper, with no name on it. I opend it and I recognized the writing. It was a letter from Edna, I started reding it because I had no recolection of ever seeing that letter. IT SAID THE DARNDEST THING! All I could think of was: WTF?! WTF?! She didn't even finish the letter, it's incomplete and it's not even signed by her, but she talks about Ruben and Olman, so ther's no denying that she wrote it, and at the very begining it's adressed to me.

How the hell that letter got where it was I have no idea... how the hell is it that I never read it, I don't know! :s but man that's screwed up! I can't believe I've had this... and... and.. if it's true... then... :S I AM SO FUCKING CONFUSED! WTF?!

And if that's not enugh, I find this little piece of paper that has this tiny little print with a wierd poem on it... So I decided I ws gonna look for Edna's box, the one Ruben gave to me to trhow way and I never could... and now its gone, I can't find it. I'm gonna look for it tomorrow when I'm tad more calm. Boxes don't just dissapear.

For now I will just focus on cleaning my room and getting rid of all the baggage I've mnaged to colect for myself the past decade. I need a good cleansing... I wanna talk to Olman, been thinking about him a whole lot this past month.

AremiBu

`~``Comments on Being a Rock Star``~`
(and getting my butt in to shape for leather pants)

I've been playing a lot of guitar hero and am adicted to it. Now, when I listen to songs, I see diffrent color buttons. The other day we went to Gordo's house and he had the one that's a guitar a drumset and a mic... FUCK YEAH!

XD There where so many songs on there that I don't know, but if you just hum the song it counts too! Man I had so much fun, and even though Gordo sucks at sining, he's the better ranked singer in that videogame between us... Envy!!!! But I totally rocked Creep.

I've been "working out". I've never relly worked out, I just kinda did sports... so this is the first time I actually conciously exercise. I want to be fitter and slimer, I think I deserve to look in the mirror and be happy with what I'm looking at, I love my hair and I love my eyes and lips... but I need a bit of work from the neck down xD.

I don't exercise much, but I do want to make a habit out of this and as I go, I want to prolong the time I exercise. I want to fix up my bike so I can ride it in the evenings, or mornings... I remember I used to love riding my bike, so I'm gonna take it up again.

I've been loosing weight on my own, but now I want to help my body out, I'm almost 25 xD I need to be healthier. So somehow I have to convince Erasmo we need to cut down on the munchies and soda... but not the beer, I like beer, beer good.

Last night when we where coming home from the bar where he plays billiards I started telling him it would be nice if we stopped with all the junk food. He said it was a good idea and that we should also cut down on the alcohol, so it would be easier to cut down our weight.

I told him I´d rather eat vegetables, poor beer has no fault in me being fat. I will remain loyal to beer, specially colorinas, MAN those tast good.

AremiBu

`~``Comments on Best Friends``~`

(and peeing your pants)

Yesterday was a fun evening. I helped Erasmo cook some Yakimeshi as we watched soccer and talked. I really enjoy watching him cook. I love talking with him.

After having an early dinner we went to his room to wtch some tv nd get some sleep cause we haven't been getting much sleep. We ended up watching monsters inc. and I gave him a back massage cause his back and butt hurt. (no massage on the butt though, just for those who where smirking).

When we where finally getting to the sleeping part when Poncho and Pedro came xD they anounced their way up yelling "Chiflando y aplaudiendo los dos" or "Vistanse que vamos a entrar" so we locked the door xD.

After that we went to Poncho's house cuse they came to invte us over for some beers... what they didn't tell us is that they where barely gonna go buy the beers when they left Erasmo's house. So we hung out with Miryam and the baby... I love baby!!!! HE IS SOOOO CUTE! AND HE HS DIMPLES WHEN HE SMILES! AND HE HS CURLS IN HIS HAIR!!! I am so gonna marry baby when he's 18!

Erasmo loves tht kid too... well he kinda has to, since he's the godfather(And he has the cheeks for it too! ::sorry, crappy joke::). He knows exctly how to make the kid laugh and smile, he knows how to play with him and can spend hours doing so... my masn is so cute.

When Poncho and Pedro (and Pedro's feancee Karla) finlly arrived with the beers the baby demanded he have one too, but we convinced him balls where much more fun than beer. We wtched some box, played some magic and then Poncho brought UNO. OMG! I've never had so much fun in my life and I've never laughed so hard!

It was only couples amung us, so we sat next to our significant others, and Pedro and Carla are getting married in september and are preparing all the wedding things, so Poncho and Miryam where giving them advice on how to hndle the wedding nd make it cheeper... how we went from there to: "So Are you guys gonn get married in a church?" I have no idea!

It's wierd how ever since we hooked up everyone expects us to get married... I mean, my mom even started to tell us who we had to invite to the ceremony!! Don't get me wrong, I love him, and I love the idea of living with him nd waking up to his face (or back) every day for the rest of my life... but they can atleast wait till we're past the first year aniversary!

XD We had the whole discucion about getting married in a church, and both couples kept telling us what we had to do and how it was like to prepare the chaple and Erasmo and me just kept glancing at eachother.

I know that if someday we get married, we're gonna do it in a church just to make our parents happy, even if we don't believe in that crap. But for now we're contempt in saying that's never gonna happen and we're just gonna end up faking a wedding in a graveyard because it's sacred ground.

After tht very wierd conversation, we proceded to pound our significant others with take 2 and take 4 cards or just skip them to piss em off. xD Then the guys strted getting offended and Pedro started telling Karla she was walking home jajajajjajajaja!!! I strted telling Erasmo I was gonna make him pay one of these days when he was sleeping and Myriam just kept smirking at a very frightend Poncho.

At some point between the beers and the lack of sleep and the laughing, I looked at us and realised I had couple friends. For the first time in my life I was hanging out with couples and I wasn't alone! I was having fun with my boyfriend and our friends that are couples... we where playing and talking and just having fun... like grownups.

I remembered my parents when I was little, how they used to have get togethers at our old house and how they laughed untill high hours of the morning. It's just... so nice, so pleasant to have this life, to experiment all this... this is exctly what I have always wanted for my life.

I am so thankfull for having you in my life, you are The One... you bring balance to my life. I look foward to more of these experiences. I love growing by your side. **kisses**

AremiBu

``~`Comments on new Friends`~``

(and shit like that)

Yesterday me and Erasmo where watching the starwars movies (Bicho lent them to us) and I was thnkfull that we started at episode IV, meant I would have a tad more time to prepare myself for episode III (that movie brings conflicts to my head), but mom decided it would be better if we explained to her the complex story line of starwars (my moms kinda slow) and Erasmo decided we should watch episode III THEN explain everything to her... dread.

Somehow that movie keeps taking me back to places I don't like to be. From the story to the fact of who I watched it with and the conversations we came to have afterwards.

Funny thing is, since me and Erasmo strted dating, we've had passionate disscusions about that same movie... and his point of view is so... unconventional, but I can't help feeling he's right, and that somehow makes me sad and scared....

So back to the movie, Anakin decides to go on a power trip, kills kids and I cry. My heart warmed up when Erasmo held me tight and wiped my tears... he kept asking me why I was crying, he kept asking what I felt. I could see the concern in his eyes, he hates to see me cry.

The day before we saw the movie we had been talking with the not so giant one (NG) and we had come to the arringment that we where gonna go play pool and hve some beers the next day, but of course, when the movie was over I had no desire to go anywhere, but we also had a birthday celebration (same place where I celebrated mine) and we couldn't just not go, cause they went to my bday.

I got ready and we left... it was raining. I remember I just took his face in my hands and kissed him thanking the gods for letting me have him by my side. When we got to K'chez we where having a very stupid conversation and he tells me: I am the one

Very stupidly I started giggling and said: You are the one to bring balance to the force!

HE: No, I am the one who brings blance to your life...

ME: ... ::He is so right... he is so sweet, I'm going to cry!::

HE: Why are you gonna cry again?!

He left me thinking the rest of the night about that conversation.

So we got to the new friends (my new friends, his oldones) and everyone was so nice as always, we started joking and laughing and drinking (I have come to love beer, the taste really grows on you) and then we started singing and dancing and Erasmo always sings to me the sweet romantic songs, so he ws sining to me, and he was looking in to my eyes xD then he grabs my butt... but I know it's his way of telling me he finds me hot and that he's a tad drunk, so I just laugh.

Then I tell him I love him and he just looks in to my eyes, smiles and says: I know...

Suddenly I'm not so afraid anymore...

To anyone who understnds the strwars stories:

I ussed to feel like... I was Padme and someone else was Anakin, things where so nice in the begining, so sweet, so perfect, then you go in to real life and... you bang and bang on the door but he keeps shuting you out, and you can see he's so scared he's drowning in himself so he starts acting all stupid and just ends up breaking your hert to the point where you feel like you've died and ther's no coming back.

That's why I kept on fighting with Erasmo about Padme and Anakin... I was so scared he would be Anakin all over again, because he's so like HIM sometimes.

And in that moment, when Erasmo looked in to my eyes like that, I knew he wasn't Anie... he was Hans... and I had the strength in me to make all the good in him come out, just like he brings the best of myself out. No more poor Padme that just sits nd waits for his man to come home, that just cries and begs him to let her in... no more weakness.

So I am calmer now. I really don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow, but I know I can stand by his side and both of us can build something together, something wonderfull.

I ended up having a great time... like everytime we go out. I ended up being able to dance with him like we'd never dnced before... we even had a little slowdance... the first. I really like his friends... their funny.

AremiBu

P.S.- In no way am I saying that my life is starwrs, I just relate in some ways to the chars, ok??